Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Emo Post

WARNING : This is an emo post . So, just skip away if u r not interested . Not meant for reading anyway .....

I was confidently tell myself that I will take 4 papers . Even though, i am taking the toughest optional paper .

Why want to graduate so fast in 3 years ??????
This was the Q shooted to me ..
Do u really think i want to .. I have struggled in within myself whether should I drop the Finance paper and focus on my other 3 papers .
But i answered , "I have scholarship to think about"
And again, I was being said back, "U so good, U got scholarship"

YES ! I know having a scholarship is a good and proud thing but do u guys know the stress im facing ??
I mean it'll be alright, if the provider aka BNM doesn't demand to withdraw my scholarship and give me a chance ..
But WHAT IF they would do so ??!! Do u know how much i need to pay back ???
RM60,600 !!!!!!! It's a huge money , do u know that !!! Where the hell i find that such huge amount of money !!

U have to perform well in ur studies and consistently as a scholarship holder ...
And do U know i am expected to work right after my December 2008 exam ??!!!

It's really hurting when people look at the way that u r lucky to have scholarship and u can graduate in 3 years ... Of course i don't mind if i can perform well in my studies .

Nobody want to take the stress of taking all 4 papers in one go !!! I believe nobody wants !! Me and other people who made the same decision as me, they have their own reasons and so as me ..

If i do not consider about the scholarship, i think i would have drop my optional papers ...

Alright , really enough for this studies thing ...

Another thing i want to shout about is ...
Why do people want to look at me as how is my family background is ?????
I was born into this lucky family , everyone do too ...
But can U guys don't look at me , I am who i am today because of my family ?????????
I know i am lucky because my family provides everything and whatever i wanted .

The money i spent is theirs not mine . Do u know is not a good feeling spending their money ? At least for me , i felt that . I really wished people would look at me because of who i am not because i am from a lucky or rich or whatever u guys wana call family .... Of course i won't deny i have such a happy and lucky family .. It's my parents hard work for having such a stable family .
But somehow people look at me the way as if i am just nobody without my family, which is the way i felt it ...

People just tend to look at me or expect me to be something like my dad or mum . Do u know that is how stressful it is ???? It means that U have to be as good as them . If not , everyone would start talking about U . Why must people compare us to our parents ?? Our parents has their own hard work with their own achievement . I will have mine too but let me perform with what i can and not keep expecting I am as good as them . I can tell U i am not . But i am trying hard and learning from them . I want to be praised because I achieved with my own bare hand and not because of my parents and that's y i can do so too ......

I am also a human being . Please don't look at me or expect me for whatever my family or parents has done in the past . Just evaluate me alone ..

I not sure for those of u who are reading get the meaning what i wanted to say .. Anyway, this post is really not meant for reading . So, just forget about what u read ....

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Totally agreed to the post on
" not feeling good to spend their money "
understand it very well for me..u should know tat if u know who am i ..

you said u were nobody..
i had a long thought b4 last time..
without my parents..i really thought i am nobody..not tat i can live within my ability..go out and find a shelter myself and support my own..

BUT think again..they are "parents" and when they decide to raise us, of coz we the "children" have to spend their money and to be provided all necessities ! of coz at a age of 20 hoping to own a house a car, living supporting myself is near impossible BUT given a chance to live for another 30 years, i bet i am way even better than my "parent".. wat the heck..they are 50 and we are 20 ..wat is there to compare.. @#%$#%@$

"i am who i am coz of family ?"
That totally bullocks..
If ever i succeed, i am who i am then is coz i myself make it into reality..!

Given a "chance" i bet anybody can do well..but that's wat life is..we hardly got any chances to make "chance"..
Wat to do..i wonder ~

For you,for now, just endure the pain and go though all the obstacles.
I really hope it pays off in future. there's no guarantee though..

For reader, who are offended by my comment, i sincerely apologize to you.. really..

but after readin this and u realised that you are much luckier, just treasure it ~