Emo Post

WARNING : This is an emo post . So, just skip away if u r not interested . Not meant for reading anyway .....

I was confidently tell myself that I will take 4 papers . Even though, i am taking the toughest optional paper .

Why want to graduate so fast in 3 years ??????
This was the Q shooted to me ..
Do u really think i want to .. I have struggled in within myself whether should I drop the Finance paper and focus on my other 3 papers .
But i answered , "I have scholarship to think about"
And again, I was being said back, "U so good, U got scholarship"

YES ! I know having a scholarship is a good and proud thing but do u guys know the stress im facing ??
I mean it'll be alright, if the provider aka BNM doesn't demand to withdraw my scholarship and give me a chance ..
But WHAT IF they would do so ??!! Do u know how much i need to pay back ???
RM60,600 !!!!!!! It's a huge money , do u know that !!! Where the hell i find that such huge amount of money !!

U have to perform well in ur studies and consistently as a scholarship holder ...
And do U know i am expected to work right after my December 2008 exam ??!!!

It's really hurting when people look at the way that u r lucky to have scholarship and u can graduate in 3 years ... Of course i don't mind if i can perform well in my studies .

Nobody want to take the stress of taking all 4 papers in one go !!! I believe nobody wants !! Me and other people who made the same decision as me, they have their own reasons and so as me ..

If i do not consider about the scholarship, i think i would have drop my optional papers ...

Alright , really enough for this studies thing ...

Another thing i want to shout about is ...
Why do people want to look at me as how is my family background is ?????
I was born into this lucky family , everyone do too ...
But can U guys don't look at me , I am who i am today because of my family ?????????
I know i am lucky because my family provides everything and whatever i wanted .

The money i spent is theirs not mine . Do u know is not a good feeling spending their money ? At least for me , i felt that . I really wished people would look at me because of who i am not because i am from a lucky or rich or whatever u guys wana call family .... Of course i won't deny i have such a happy and lucky family .. It's my parents hard work for having such a stable family .
But somehow people look at me the way as if i am just nobody without my family, which is the way i felt it ...

People just tend to look at me or expect me to be something like my dad or mum . Do u know that is how stressful it is ???? It means that U have to be as good as them . If not , everyone would start talking about U . Why must people compare us to our parents ?? Our parents has their own hard work with their own achievement . I will have mine too but let me perform with what i can and not keep expecting I am as good as them . I can tell U i am not . But i am trying hard and learning from them . I want to be praised because I achieved with my own bare hand and not because of my parents and that's y i can do so too ......

I am also a human being . Please don't look at me or expect me for whatever my family or parents has done in the past . Just evaluate me alone ..

I not sure for those of u who are reading get the meaning what i wanted to say .. Anyway, this post is really not meant for reading . So, just forget about what u read ....